the smell of the leaves turning brown and decaying… blood filling the streets as mass mayhem ensues… children crying from my basement to be let out. yes… all of that means it must be halloween again.

Its the best time of year. a time when people cast aside their religious beliefs and celebrate while dancing naked around a fire. where people can embrace sin, for just a single evening, and live how i live 365 days a year. wait… i just realized… you are all fucking posers.

anyway… this year, be sure to keep close tabs on how much candy you get. the guy who steals the most wins!! stop by my house for anthrax laden tootsie rolls. oh… and caramel covered razor blades. (those are always such a hit with the little ones)

props to forum user slipitysmooth for taking the time to create the most kick ass pumpkin this world has ever fucking seen. you should already be on your knees bowing in its presence. i expect a 24 hour vigil to be held around this pumpkin on the 31st. do it.

Why do you even have a website? All you are doing is spreading hate, violence, and blasphemy of our lord and saviour. I can tell from your own words, that you have not accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Saviour, so I am going to pray for you. If you would like guidance, I would be happy to share the light of his word with you.

May God Bless you with his light
Rick
email witheld per request

Dearest Rick,

I think I could learn a lot from your teachings. You seem to be so in touch with my inner feelings and I want so badly to be reborn into the light of God……. except I have this little problem…. I dont think he is going to let me into heaven. See, we had this little spat a few years ago. I was kneeling at my bedside, just like I do every night, and praying, and God came down from heaven surrounded by angels, and sat next to me on my bed. I was amazed and shocked to say the least! but then the unthinkable happened… he pulled off his robe and laid face down, spread eagle on my bed, and told me to shove a cantelope up his ass. At first, I was hesitant. I mean… what was I supposed to do? deny God his wishes? so i did it. then we moved to a pineapple. later it was my signed Mario Lemieux hockey stick. When he finally left the next morning, I just felt weird. He told me to call him, but I am ashamed to say that I never did.

Next time you’re butt-fucking God, do you think you could talk to him and see for me? See if he’s still mad at me? That would be great.

Thanks pal.